Where did we learn that we have to give it our all?
Disclaimer: my current job and company are fantastic. I’ve never felt taken advantage of, rather, this blog is about the overarching theme that is prevalent in many of us and how some work environments will take and take until there is nothing left to give. Again, current employer excluded.
I just got off the phone with my editor (yes, I’m wiriting a book!!!) and sharing with her that my return to work date is next week. I made the comment that I’m not sure I can give the job my all like I tried to do before. She stopped me and asked, “Where did we learn that we have to give it our all?”
I was stumped at first. Thoughts racing from “because that is what is expected” to “I don’t know another way.”
“I’m not sure where I learned it, but I have gotten a lot of positive reinforcement for it…so I just keep doing it.”
And as a director, my job is easier when my team shows up and gives 110%. Their jobs are easier when I show up and “give it my all.” But what if we don’t have our all to give?
A conversation with my group therapist from a couple weeks ago came back to me. He was sharing his perspective on hard-workers, producers, and overachievers in the workplace and how companies like to exploit those employees.
Exploit. It feels like such a strong word even though Webster says it just means “to make full use of.” I carry a negative connotation with the word exploit and it becomes synonymous with “takes advantage of to the detriment of” or “having malicious intent.” I’d never thought about the work environment like that as it’s important that I take responsibility for my part in things (<—I’m talking previous work situations here). I have always found it empowering to not take a victim stance and understand that as a grown adult, I have the ability to leave at any moment. No one made me stay. No one made me work like I did. I co-signed that bullshit on the reg.
Aaannnddd there is value in seeing it from this other side, too. The side that calls out the employers and bosses who create cultures where giving them your every last ounce of energy, creativity, and time is the base line. It is the expectation and cultural norm. Not doing it makes you stand out like a pair of white pants after Labor Day. (side note, I have no idea where this reference came from. I don’t follow clothing rules nor do I own any white pants, but that is what came out so I’ll keep it.:))
So what now? The fact that these expectations exist will not change or go away. Companies will forever make great efforts to get more out of their employees for less pay. Our consumerism, capitalism, bottom lines, profit margins, and frankly greed make it damn near impossible to eliminate. It’s kinda the American way :(
But.
I have choice to make on whether I enable a broken system to stay broken by showing up to be exploited over and over again. I don’t have to play along. I can take my ball and play elsewhere. And I did.
Giving our all can mean that we always show up and do our best. It can also mean that unhealthy codependency is running amuck putting face masks on everyone else when the plane is crashing, because “I’ve got to give it my all!!” therefore neglecting oneself. But what if it means that we are self-aware enough to know that I only have 75% to give and so I give 75% of myself, saving the other 25% for other important things.
As I reflect on my patterns of behavior over the last 4 years, my newly learned coping skills, and my upcoming return to work next week, it will be interesting to see what my new baseline is. It can no longer be my all. I’ve got to have something on reserve for myself, for my family, for my friends, and my hobbies. Work can no longer be my everything.
No, I can no longer give my all.